Monday, March 3, 2014

Reflections on 43 Years

Today's post would usually be reserved for my #Mingsanity update but you'll have to wait another day for that.  Instead I'm going to take the opportunity to reflect on my life thus far.  Because that's what you do when you turn a year older, right? 

Yes folks, today is my birthday.  Birthday number 43.   It feels weird to see that written down because I still feel like I'm in my late 20's.  My body would say otherwise for sure, although the dude at Starbucks this morning said he thought I was 26.  My latte was free, but still I left a nice tip, because moves like that need to be appreciated, ha ha.  These days, I have aches and pains that I didn't have 5 years ago.  It takes me longer to recover from hard workouts.  I can't indulge in too many treats like I used to without my pants getting too tight.  All that aside, I still feel young and that's a good thing.  I've always thought that age was just a number and the older I get, the more that rings true for me.  I guess it also helps when people tell you that you don't look your age, like the dude at Starbucks this morning.  I think I can thank my parents and their good genes for that one, although I do think that running and living an active / healthy lifestyle plays a major part in that as well. 

When I was in my early 20's I often wondered what kind of "grown up" I'd be.  What kind of job would I have? Would I be married?  How many kids would I have?  I knew that marriage was something I wanted but not right away.  The same with kids.  As for my job / career, I originally went to University with the desire to be a teacher, which then changed to wanting to get into Art Therapy.   My 4 year bachelor program took me 5 years to complete (dropped a course first year so I could keep part time hours at my cushy government job and pay my rent) so by the time I got to year 5, any desire to stay in school and continue my education had gone by the wayside.  I wanted out.  I wanted to start working and stop living like a student. 

When I graduated from University, I had no idea jobs like mine existed.  By luck and a series of happy accidents, I fell into what I'm doing now.   I remember my photography professor telling us that very few folks actually went on to either become professional photographers or actually work in the field so I feel very lucky to have at least ended up working in my chosen field of study.  I may not be behind the lens but I'm behind the scenes and that's just the way I like it.   I've been a producer for close to 17 years now, with almost 14 of them at the same place.  Guess you could say I like my job, ha ha. 

My job wasn't what has brought me the most amount of happiness though.  It was and is, running.  If it wasn't for running, I wouldn't have met G, period.  I knew within the first 3 months of dating G that he was going to be the man I married.  2 years after we started dating, we were married.  We assumed that kids would follow.  Unfortunately that was a chapter in our life that never came to be.  We struggled with infertility and we went through 2 very dark and emotional years before we gave up.  We did contemplate adoption but after everything we had been through over the previous two years, we decided that we had enough emotional upheaval in our lives.  The adoption process is a stressful and lengthy process here so after much discussion and soul searching we came to the very emotional conclusion to move on.  Do I feel that I am missing out on something by not being a mom?  Sometimes.  It's taken me a while to make peace with that.  I can honestly say that I wouldn't trade our current life for anything.  I think we made the right decision for us. 

Sure my life isn't what I thought it might be when I was in my 20's.  It's better....better than I ever thought it would be and I'm looking forward to the next 43 years.   Hopefully I make it that far and I really hope that if I do, I'll still be swimming, biking and running. 

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