D is For

Doubts

Dreams

Determination

The events of the last few months have created so much doubt surrounding my racing.  I have fallen so far from where I was this time last year.   Injury will do that to you.  As will stress.   My life has been anything but normal since the summer.   Selling a house, buying a house, living out of a suitcase, renovating a house and trying to balance a busy job with that will take a toll.  Training has fallen by the wayside.   Meal prep has gone out the window.  And I feel it mentally and physically.  My pants are begging me to get back on track.   Coming back from Florida gave me a very rude awakening.  A lot of my jeans don't really fit that well anymore.  I haven't stepped on a scale in months because quite frankly I don't want to know.  I don't need to see a number to reinforce how gross I'm feeling.   My clothes are telling me that enough is enough.  I'm trying not to beat myself up too badly about how I feel because I know I have the power and determination to change things.  That change is starting this week.

The dust has finally settled in the new Kennedy Compound so I should be able to get back to a normal healthy eating routine.  I have a fully functioning kitchen so Sunday meal prep will start this weekend.   It's time to get my body back into the shape that I am comfortable in.  I refuse to accept that where I am now is my new normal.   It's simply a result of life happening at a much faster pace than usual, which in my case, makes me become lazy.   When you try to fit it all in, something has to give and for me it's usually cooking.

The all new kitchen in the all new Kennedy Compound

Despite not feeling like myself, I can't complain about life in general.  I'm starting to get excited about running again.  Most of my pain is gone and I'm slowly making progress.  I'm so focused on fixing the little things.  I'm back in the gym twice a week and the home gym has been set up in new Pain Cave so I have zero excuses to do my physio homework.  I really feel like things are starting to make a difference.  I am looking forward to 2017.  I don't think I'm going to have the same ambitious goals as last year but a girl can dream.  I know I'm going to have to be very cautious with introducing speed into my running.  I think it's going to have to wait for a while.  I'd like to work on building up my distance again so that is my focus for the next couple of months.  We'll see how that goes before I start chasing any crazy dreams for 2017.

Pain Cave Version 2.0

I admit, I lost my mojo for a while.  I was cranky and feeling pretty bummed.   The Universe stepped in and kept me distracted with work, moving, house hunting & job quitting.   I firmly believe that was all I could handle at that point in time.  Now that order has somewhat been restored and things have calmed down, my determination is coming back.  This year has been a struggle in pretty much every aspect of my life.   That being said, I am determined to make the best of the rest of this year.   and I know that whatever 2017 brings will be much better than 2016.  Because I am determined to make it so.

Thanks to Deb for today's Wednesday Word (Determination)

O is for....

A lot of good things:

oreos
oranges
oatmeal
open-minded
options

And this weeks Wednesday Word:  Optimism,  which is something I've been feeling a lot of lately and it's a really nice change of pace.  I try to keep things upbeat here but my knee issues REALLY started to wear on me last year.  I remember sitting in the living room bawling my eyes out to G because I was so worried about losing my identity as a runner if I couldn't run anymore.  I didn't get into that too much here but I really bothered me.  Running has been such a huge part of my life for so long and a large part of my social circle are runners so I couldn't imagine NOT being able to do it.  I had been in pain for a while and I honestly felt like I would never get better and that I would have to make a choice between running and leading a pain free existence.  Those were dark days.  Running helps keep me sane and happy.  To not have that in my life would probably make things very difficult for myself and for those around me.

Once I started seeing Lauren, I left that first appointment with a series of exercises and a clear game plan.  That first run I went on wasn't amazing but it wasn't horrible either.  But each subsequent run I went on, things got better and better.  I still had some pain here and there but it was improving with every step.  Then one day it happened.  I ran without pain.  None.  My knees didn't hurt at all.  Not even after my run.  That's when the optimism really started to take hold.  Things were starting to come together.

I'm continuing to ride this wonderful wave of optimism.  Even when I have "off" days I remind myself that I am so much better than I was.  The road to recovery is never a straight line and I've learned to remain optimistic, even when I have a couple of bad days.

Thanks to Deb at Deb Runs for the Wednesday Word Link up!

How do you remain optimistic?

Tis the Season for the Loss of Reason

As much as I love the holidays I really dislike the time leading up to them.  Christmas is always such a panicked time of year, especially in my line of work.  I work in advertising and December is traditionally the "use it or lose it" month when it comes to budgets.   Throw in the fact that most ad agencies close for a week between Christmas and New Year's and that equals 3 weeks of insanity.  Mix that in with an already hectic schedule and you have a recipe for a Stressball Cocktail.  Some days it's so busy I don't stop from the time I get in until after I get home (answering emails etc).  Everyone needs everything asap and usually at the same time and some of the requests are just plain crazy.  It is both mentally and physically exhausting.  I like to think of it as the Season for the Loss of Reason. 

Normally I'd lace up my shoes and go for a run, or hop on my bike and go for a ride.  But I can't.  Well, I can but it's more than likely going to be painful.  I'm having knee problems again and obviously this is the source of much stress because I can't seem to figure out what is causing it this time around.   So I've opted to take things easy, which essentially means I'm getting cranky faster because my normal stress release outlet isn't available to me right now.  What's really stressing me out about this is the uncertainty as to when I'll be better (I'm saying when vs. if because I'm trying to remain as positive as possible!)

So I'm trying my best to grin and bear it.  If there's one thing I've learned in my 15+ years of producing, it's that everything always seems to work out.  So I should know by now that all that stress is unnecessary.  One day perhaps I'll learn but for now, I'll just bust out my stretchy pants and make sure the beer fridge is fully stocked.

What part of the holidays do you find stressful?  How do you deal with your stress?

Thanks to Deb Runs for hosting Wednesday Word!

 

Celebrate the Little Things

This is the time of year for celebration and it can be quite busy.   We celebrate our holiday traditions with friends and family.  We celebrate the end of another year.   The end of the year always has me reflecting on how the year unfolded.   What things stood out for me?  What things did I take the time to celebrate for myself and for others?

There are a LOT pretty awesome moments that I celebrated this year:

Two of my friends completing their first Ironman
A friend of mine completing her first half marathon
Coaching a friend of mine to complete his first marathon
Getting through a non wetsuit swim at Eagleman without freaking out (this was probably THE highlight of the year for me)
Multiple weddings
Leading my AG from start to finish in one of my favourite races
My sister heading back to school to do her second Masters
My sister's boyfriend graduating from Teacher's College
My mom's 65th birthday
A friend of mine walking the first half of the Appalachian trail BY HERSELF (my mind is still blown by this)
Getting my Triathlon coaching certification
Helping one of my athletes win her AG and get to the 70.3 World Championships
And being told yesterday that I didn't have to take the rest of the month off from running / cycling.  Which was nice to hear after I wrote this post on Monday.

I think it's important to take the time to celebrate the little things as well as the milestones because it helps us appreciate what we have to be thankful for. 

Thanks to Deb Runs for hosting the Wednesday Word link up!

Tradition

Tradition:  the handing down of statements, beliefs, legends, customs, information, etc., from generation to generation, especially by word of mouth or by practice.  - Dictionary.com

December is the month of tradition in my world.  Work wise it's traditionally always busy as clients look to spend the rest of their advertising budgets for the year.  After the mayhem of the first few weeks of December, the studio traditionally shuts down for at least a week between Christmas and New Year's.  I look forward to that break every year.  It's nice to have the time to decompress.  

Our Christmas has become a melting pot of traditions over the years.  When G and I got married, figuring out where we'd spend Christmas day was a bit tricky.  We both agreed that the kids (his niece and nephew) would win out for Christmas morning. We couldn't leave my family out of the picture on Christmas day either so they'd get us for dinner.  We figured once we had our own kids that things would change.   We didn't have kids so these traditions have remained, even though his niece and nephew are now teenagers and are usually still asleep when we arrive on Christmas morning.  Since our families really enjoy hanging out together, we decided to host everyone at our place on Boxing Day.  Christmas eve is our time together.  We open gifts, have a nice dinner and maybe watch a movie.  Christmas day we drive out to Bolton hang out with G's family have breakfast, then around 2:00 we get in the car, make the hour drive to Guelph to hang out with my parents, my bother and my sister and her boyfriend. Boxing Day everyone makes their way to our place in Toronto and we have a feast.  It's two days of crazy that I wouldn't trade for the world.

There are few other Christmas traditions that I love.  Some old, some new.  

* Our friends Christmas party, always the first weekend of December, and always a good night out.  I generally don't make any plans for the next day, ha ha.

Me and my best bud, Sue, at last year's party. 

 *  Watching the Sound of Music - I have no idea why this is a Christmas tradition but it's been a tradition of mine since I was a teenager.  I NEVER get tired of this movie.  I usually enjoy it with a cup of spiced rum and eggnog because that's what you do.  My sister and I will always call or text each other to let each other know when it's on.

* The smell of garlic pork cooking at my parents.  I don't normally partake in it but it is a Guyanese tradition and my dad LOVES it.  Once in a while I'll have a bit but it's SUPER potent.  

* Picking out our Christmas Tree.  After we rebuilt our house, we actually had room for a Christmas tree so we decided we'd get a real tree every year.  So, we usually go out mid December and pick out a tree from a local merchant.   With that comes the changing of the sofa cushions as well, haha.

* Spending a Sunday baking Christmas cookies for my friends and co-workers.  I've done it every year for as long as I can remember.  Sometimes I even do it AT the studio. 

Getting my Martha Stewart on at the studio

The finished product!

* Our food drive and decorating of the Christmas tree at work.  This is something that is fairly new at the studio but I think it's something that will remain for years to come.  This year we're having a snowflake making competition, just to make it interesting, ha ha.

Thanks to Deb Runs for hosting Wednesday Word!   

What are some of your favourite traditions?

Sporting Memories I Cherish

A wise person once said it's better to spend your money on experiences vs. things and the older I get the more this resonates with me.   Perhaps that's why I race so much.  Some of my most cherished moments have come from races or from the training required to do these races.   It's no wonder sport plays such an important part in my life.  Instead of fancy clothes or the latest and greatest thing, I chose to spend my money on DOING things like races.  It's an added bonus if we travel somewhere to race.   Last year my husband and I celebrated 10 years of marriage and instead of getting each other an expensive piece of jewelry, we decided to take a 3 week trip to Europe and throw a half Ironman race in there for good measure.  Because that's what we like to do.  We shared so many incredible moments on that trip, and those are memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Running down the finishing chute at Luxembourg 70.3 after having a great day of racing.

Climbing to the top of Alp d'Huez

Running and triathlon have brought so many wonderful people into my life.  I've made some incredible friends, whose company and friendship I will always cherish.

Boston 2013 - Before all hell broke loose.

Me & my pal David post Scotiabank Half this year.  Such a fun day.

Me and Irina at the Woodstock Tri this year

The West Toronto Pacers Crew -stopping for coffee mid ride - Summer 2014

With some of my closest friends at Ironman Switzerland in 2008

Training for Ironman Lake Placid in 2006 - it was the May long weekend and it snowed!  

The West Toronto Pacers Crew after Harry's Spring Run off this year

Running is how I met my husband.  I can't even begin to describe how much it means to me to have someone as supportive and encouraging as him by my side.  I know how lucky I am.  We share the same passion for racing and leading a healthy lifestyle and I cherish that every single day.

The finish line of my first Ironman - Lake Placid 2006

What are some of your most cherished sport related memories?

Thanks to Deb at Deb Runs for another awesome Wednesday Word Prompt!

Age is Just Number

I've always thought that you are only as old as you feel and I still feel like I'm in my 20's.  For the most part.  Yes, I notice a lot more age related aches and pains and I certainly don't recover like I used to but I don't *feel* like I'm almost 45 years old.  I think I've been blessed with some pretty good genes as well because people constantly peg me as being mid to late 30's, which I will happily take, haha.

I think the bigger part of my "agelessness" is the fact that I am physically active and I take care of myself.  Most people I know that lead a healthy lifestyle seem younger than they are.   My group of training partners is diverse in age as well.  Some of my closest friends are 10+ years younger than me.  Many of the people that I work with are younger than me.  I think those friendships and associations also help to keep me young at heart.  

 

I remember when I turned 31 and how hung up I got on that number.  I was officially a 30-something.  I'm not sure why that bothered me so much at the time but it did.  When I turned 41, it didn't phase me one bit.  In fact, 41 & 42 were two of my best years in terms of athletics.  Almost all of my running P.R's came the year I turned 42.  So much for slowing down as I got older!  I like to think I'm like a fine wine and I'm getting better with age.  I know that the time for P.R's is probably getting a bit more limited but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop racing.  It just means I have to rejig my racing priorities.  For now this "old broad" triathlete will keep pushing her limits every year to keep those 20 somethings on their toes.   

Age really is just a number.  It's a category that you get slotted into, but it should never define or limit you.  I look at it as a chance to add more experiences to my life.  Another year means more time to spend with friends and family, more time for adventures, more time to learn and grow.  Embrace it, roll with it and celebrate it.  Above all, make the most of it. 

Thanks to Deb Runs for another great Wednesday Word!

If you had to pick an age that you felt you were at, what would it be?  I'd say that I feel like I'm about 27 years old.  

How Complacency Made Me a Better Athlete

"Great things never came from comfort zones" or so the saying goes.   This is something that took me a while to learn.  For years I played it safe with running and triathlon.  I never ventured too far out of my comfort zone.  I did the same thing day and day out and wondered why things never changed.  I had always thought I could do better but never really pushed myself too hard.  Hard work made me uncomfortable.  I was happy being comfortable so I got complacent in my ways.

Sometimes it takes a low point in your life for you to decide to make a change.  To stop being complacent and take that first step outside your comfort zone.  That low point happened 7 years ago when G and I tried to start a family.  I had stage 4 endometriosis which had ravaged my reproductive organs.  The chances of my body ever supporting life were slim.  Long story short, after 2 years of trying the fun way and via IVF, we threw in the towel.  It was a heartbreaking decision. 

In the months following,  I lost myself in my running.   Running and physical activity in general, had taken a back seat while all of that was going on.  Now, it became my solace.  A poorly executed attempt at a second B.Q came a few months later.  That's when I finally said Fuck It.  It's time for a change.  I had to stop being complacent. 

When life hands you lemons, turn around and make lemon-aid right? 

I decided to change things up.  I NEEDED to change things up.  I joined a running club and took those first steps outside my comfort zone.  I hit the gym and actually started lifting weights again.  I lost 20 lbs and got that B.Q I had wanted.  I decided I wanted to get back into triathlons again and tackled a half ironman.  I've raced my butt off every summer since then.  I've learned that getting better requires hard work and a lot of time spent outside my comfort zones.  Complacency won't get me closer to my goals.  Every year I've tackled something that makes me uncomfortable in the quest to be a better athlete.

I could never have imagined the friendships and the successes that have come because I decided to take that first step.   It's filled me with a confidence and passion that I never realized I had.  Complacency has no place in my life any more but without it, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Thanks to Deb at Deb Runs for the Wednesday Word Link up!

Check out Deb Runs every Wednesday for a new word prompt!

Has complacency changed you?